Dead Son to Become a Father

By elizabethcassidy • August 17th, 2009

I cannot being to fathom what a mother’s grief is like when she loses a child. Loses her child after he tried to defend a friend outside of a bar in Texas. I can’t wrap my brain around how she received the news. Your child was trying to help a friend and for his gallant efforts your child is dead. Being childless keeps me from experiencing it first hand, but as a woman and a compassionate soul, my heart goes out to her.

Marissa Evans, the grief stricken mother, makes a very big decision that could impact and will impact her life and the lives of maybe 3 others. She decides to harvest her dead son’s sperm so that she can have the grandchildren she hoped to have one day. That her son had longed to have since he was a young boy. Hunter, Tod and Van were the names he wanted to name his boys if someone had not taken away his life.

Nikolas Evans sounded like a pretty cool kid. Funny, artistic and an old soul is how he is described. But now he is the late Nikolas Evans whose potential will never be realized. But will his children want to have a life without him? Yes, there are tons of dead beat fathers, but this young man will never have the chance to hold his children and be part of their lives. Because he died too soon.

Like I said, I am not a mother, but I have experienced pain that rips opens up your rib cage and holds your heart hostage. I did lose the father of my child before the child even became a reality, so I do get the feeling of eternity and not ever holding the child in your arms. But, I am not sure how I feel about this.

Ms. Evans was granted the right to harvest her son’s sperm. She will now look for a surrogate to carry her grandbaby or even her grandbabies. But is this right and fair to the unborn children? To come into the world with no father, to be conceived and carried in a stranger’s womb and then you start off life w/o either parent. So a grieving mother can hold unto her son’s spirit in the form of flesh and blood.

I look at Nikolas’ picture and I see compassionate eyes, a strong nose and a ready smile, but I don’t see him as a father. I see him as a life interrupted. Way, way too soon.

I guess Ms. Evans and her dead son’s sperm will be a case study. Sounds cold and clinical. But do we have the rght to bring a child into the world because a mother is grieving for her lost son? Will she be able to step up and love those children or will her grief be so deep that they are daily reminders of a life cut down too soon?

I am asking a lot of questions because I am not 100% sure how I feel about this? It feels wrong, it feels like compensation for a mother’s lost and then it sounds like it is nobody’s business but hers.

What do you think?

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