Branching Out Life Coaching

My hearing (or lack of it according to some people) has become highly sensitive to the expression that begins with, “I’m just….”

Maybe it comes from years of personal experience, but I try to be so careful about what I say about myself – either to myself or to the general public. I leave all the sarcastic slings to a few close friends. They need and want the practice.

Most people don’t say the words, “I’m just” and follow it with…fabulous, so excited about my job (or future), so mindful of my own goodness, a healthy person with so much energy or phrases like, “I am just so grateful to be able to get up each day and explore new options.”

No, nowadays it just seems to come in the form of “I’m just not getting anyplace with this job,” “I’m just never going to move ahead with my life,” and my personal least favorite one, “I’m just not good enough to matter.”

What I find unbelievable is hearing negative, self defeating putdowns coming from intelligent, clever and creative people. People who have so much potential – just ask them when they are not beating up on themselves and are focused on their goals. But the CD they play in their minds come from years of self doubt along with the biting and hurtful words from some lovely individuals (who are probably dealing with a basketful of self sabotaging DVDs themselves) who helped reinforce all that personality pollution that whirls around a perfectly fine brain.

We can change the way we view ourselves by changing the channel in our head. It won’t happen overnight, but become aware of your self defeating slogans. Make 2008 the year of the Positive Affirmations. Make your platform one that is filled with uplifting and optimistic statements (just steer clear of the political debates or you campaign may end up self imploding).

Stop yourself when the words, “I’m just” start to form on your lips. Rethink and rework that statement before uttering it.

Try to look at it this way – when we were kids, we couldn’t say certain words or else we would suffer some nasty consequences. Start to think of “I’m just” as a phrase that could cause your dear great grandmother Tillie to faint dead away. Or even better, utter those words and have a “time out corner” dedicated in your name. Let “I’m just” start to taste like Irish Spring on your tongue. I can still taste it, but that’s a whole different newsletter. Mmmmm…good.

One way to strike it rich before “I’m just” leaves your repertoire is to keep a jar handy and every time you say that dastardly expression, throw in a dollar. You just might jet off to Europe for a month’s vacation, all expenses paid, or you just might end up with moths flying around the jar.

As philosopher Earl Nightingale states, “You become what you think about!”

Did you ever just know something and not know how you knew it? Did you ever get that strange feeling that had nothing to do with recalled hamburger meat?

Did you ever get a”mental memo” without benefit of email, blackberry or an actual phone call?

Did you just ignore the message only to discover that somehow the communiqué was correct?

Did you ever get offered a job and just know that it could wind up as one of the worse mistake in your life and did you just go, “I can start on Monday?”

I did. I did! The scars are healing nicely, but I did not listen to that sweet inner voice that kept saying, “Walk out of the room, do not turn around, and just keep moving. Run for your life!!!”

Did you ever get that sickening feeling that you shouldn’t marry that person? And did you wake up and know with great clarity that it was not going to happen, not while you still had life in you?

I did. I did! I paid attention when all indicators said something different. I trusted my inner voice.

So…have no fears. We are all hearing voices!

Say hello to your intuition, inner voice, a little movie running in your head, gut feeling, hunch, Bob, “you just know” feeling. Some say it is the higher powers having a personal conversation with you.

If you’re willing to be open-minded and really learn to pay attention then that inner chatter and those physical sensations will help guide you for the rest of your life

Call it what you may, your intuitive side is here to help you navigate through the big mess we call our lives. Think of it as your best friend. It will never lie to you and the real cool part is that you both share the same birthday. We start off life with our intuition just waiting in the wings ready to help.

How many people rely on their intuition? Not many. If we did, I think our lives would be filled with more happiness, passion, peace and contentment because we would be living an authentic life. Your BFF (best friend forever – I’m hipper than Paris Hilton…ever will be. Do we still say “hipper?”) wants to see you rise above someone else’s expectations or what society tries to dictate to you. Take a listen to what your inner voice is saying about what you want to be doing with your life.

Some simple exercises to help you tap into your intuitive side.

1) When you have to make a decision (make it a small or medium one to start) do you get a happy, peaceful feeling or do you feel the room getting smaller and your body is starting to tremble? Well, if you are not in the middle of the flu season, it could be a very strong indicator that what you might be undertaking is or is not in your best interest.

2) Try writing down what you need an answer on. Ask your intuition questions like: “What is the best path to take” or “Am I really excited about making this move or taking the job offer or staying in this relationship?” Then find a quiet place and wait for answers to come. Write down what you hear and see what rings true for you. In some cases, you will receive a visual answer like a big “X” over the house you want to buy. Store the impressions and feelings with all the other tools you use to make a decision and see what happens.

3) Before you go off to sleep, ask your intuition a question. When you wake up, write down the first thoughts that come to you. Does it work and make sense or does it feel like your mind was taken over by aliens? Sometimes the responses we get become clearer with time. Put the initiative hunch aside but try not to abandon it. It could contain some important information.

4) Still not sure? When the phone rings, try to see if you can guess who is on the other end of the line. Like most things in life, it does take practice. Start off having fun and work your way up to the BIG questions.

5) Still not sure at all? What causes you to like or dislike someone the minute you meet them? Besides knowing them in a previous life, could it be your intuition telling you to move forward or flee?

6) Think intuition won’t work at all in your life? Well, Albert Einstein said, “The only real valuable thing is intuition.” I am so glad I discovered this quote because it’s the first thing he said that I understand.
E = mc². Whatever.

Ralph Waldo Emerson remarked that, “Some people only see what they are prepared to see.” Try breaking out and see what else is out there to help you live your best life.
And in closing, Oprah said, “Trust your gut. It is never wrong.” Too bad she never amounted to anything, eh?

Branching Out Life Coaching’s Top Ten List to Welcome You to the Rest of Your Life!

1) CELEBRATE. First of all, celebrate all you have accomplished in your life. Plan a party for 100 of your closest friends or just for yourself. Set a nice table, light some scented candles, put on some rock n’ roll music…

2) DARE. Try something you have never done before. Here’s a few examples: go kayaking with some friends; become fluent in Italian; visit a spa for a day and leave with red hair; help build homes or buy some Jimmy Choos shoes. Just don’t do them all at once. Your family and friends just might freak out a bit. If they do, invite them to come along!

3) INTUIT . Have you met your friend who goes by the name of Intuition? Intuition, inner voices, gut feelings can reveal clues about what you should do next. Try this: A) Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. B) Close your eyes (oh yes, sit down first) and take in a couple of breaths and feel yourself start to slow down. C) Ask your intuition a question – it can be about where to move, what direction to take in your new life or do I really want this new relationship? D) Sit quietly and wait for your intuition to speak to you. E) Did you get a calm, happy feeling? Did dread or feelings of foreboding fill every cell in your body? Did you hear a word over and over? Did you just get that “knowing “ feeling that you have found your answer? Did it act like no one’s at home? Developing one’s intuition is the answer to that corny but telling question: How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice and practice! But what a great friend to have around and it will always tell you the truth!

4) EXPLORE. So you have decided that the time has come to take your life by the lapels and do….? You always thought you would like to give tours thru the ancient ruins in Egypt, or take to the stage in Edwardian finery or maybe own a cozy book store with the aroma of just brewed coffee filling the soul along with the words of Toni Morrison? Before you pack your bags, do take a trip to Vocation Vacations’ website. This organization will let you test drive your dreams and you may find yourself doing a little tire kicking as you discover a new and exciting way to live your life outrageously! www.vocationvacations.com.

5) MOVE. We got to love “Dancing with the Stars” don’t we? I personally don’t care for the outfits (I’m more the crisp white tee shirt, blue jeans, black jacket with scarf draped around the neck for days kinda of woman) but they make me want to dance and shake everything that won’t snap in two! Another way to tend to your body and its needs is to move everyday. It won’t work to just exercise your brain because you need to drag your body along on your great adventures. So make it your best body. How would it feel to exercise first thing in the morning? Guaranteed to get your metabolism up and running and whether you’re running, walking or watching the Today Show while conquering some hills and miles on your treadmill, you are taking excellent care of your body and soul. But it doesn’t really matter what time you exercise. Just remember that all of you counts, so dust off those weights and your toned muscles will thank me later. I guarantee the journey will be less taxing and you just might end up taking Zumba lessons. Just leave the sequins at home!

6) READ. So, on the days when it’s raining or the humidity is so high that your hair is picking up CNN….go and pick up something and read. I don’t know if I have an all time favorite female author but these authors have inspired me throughout the years: Jane Austen, Alice Munro, Anna Quindlen, Maya Angelou, Anne Lamott (I want to come back as her sense of humor), Fannie Flagg, Dorothy Parker, Julia Cameron and Lynn Robinson. (I just knew I was going to like her writing - she’s one of the nation’s leading experts on Intuition). Go and get lost in a book. You may have noticed that I left out some popular romance writers. I want you to be inspired and not out of breath when you have finished your books. Skip “Eat, Pray, Love” on an empty stomach. I gained 8 pounds during the “Eat” section. And it doesn’t have to be a book. When I read “More Magazine,” I feel sexier, more secure in my choices and joyful to be in the middle of my middlesence madness. It makes me want to vacuum in high heels. Well, maybe not, why not a magazine that salutes us fabulous women in our fifties?

7) BE BOLD. Fall in love with you and your new life and don’t let anyone tell you that you and your dreams are frivolous. When someone asks why at this time of your life you are reinventing your life, just smile and say, “If I don’t become the person I am meant to be then the world misses out on my greatness and my potential to make the world a better place will be lost forever. Thanks for asking and have a nice day.”

VOLUNTEER. Nothing makes you feel empowered like helping someone else feel that way, too.

9) RELAX. Escapism is marvelous, but escapism that motivates us is unbeatable. One of the best escape routes to take can be driving to your local video store or walking over to the TV remote. We don’t always see positive role models of women in the news. They may be infamous (like the call girl and the NY governor, for example) but they are not inspiring and it is a tad insulting. When going through transitions, we need some downtime and a bag of kettle corn popcorn. And some funny, fearless and fabulous women to make us smile and say to ourselves, “I am ready.” Here are just a few that might make you feel that anything is possible in your life: “All About Eve,” “When Harry Met Sally,” “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” (try to ignore the fake-Asian Mickey Rooney parts) “Chocolat (zero calories),” “Dirty Dancing,” “Hannah and Her Sisters,” “Moonstruck,” “The Way We Were” (because of Robert Redford, but Barbra was pretty terrific in that movie), and “Field of Dreams.” And not a car chase in any of them!

10) MEDITATE. You have stayed focused and you are transitioning to your new life. Now is the perfect time to focus on your breath. How about adding meditation to your daily routine? Here are just a few of the benefits that come from a few minutes of meditation a day: Clarity in problem solving; reduction of stress and anxiety; a renewed sense of well being; more restful sleep; slowing down of aging; helps keep the body and mind alert and can even help with the resolution of mental and emotional blocks in our lives. Not too bad, eh? I travel to http://www.learningmeditation.com/room.htm when I need some breathing space to collect my thoughts and slow myself and my pace down. You can take a guided meditation with soothing music in the background or you can print the words out and meditate on them at your leisure. This is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and you just start by taking a deep breath.

BRANCH OUT. I started Branching Out Life Coaching with the belief that midlife is just the beginning of some of the best years in our lives. I offer complimentary coaching consultations for motivated women who are on the verge of discovering their own greatness. Shift your perspective and change your life. Call 516.629.6838 or email me at BranchOutLife@optonline.net. Embracing your new life just got a little easier.

A strong sense of humor seemed to be in my family’s genes along with freckles and being musically challenged. My father’s wit was so sharp it induced paper cuts, but we’d laugh at the brilliance and the total silliness of his one-liners or odd little stories.

In grammar school, I kept my classmates entertained with some pretty inane stories while my parents were in constant contact with the principal. I had yet to learn when delivering a punch line was acceptable: All the time was not appropriate.

Years later when I moved out of my parent’s house, I took my coolest clothes, my college degree and my honed sense of humor. Those clothes no longer hang in my closet (thank God); my degree got me in the door of NYC advertising agencies, and my sense of humor kept me employed and out of trouble…sort of.

One day, I think it was a Tuesday, I was cornered by the big boss who commented that when my emails ended with a spiffy one-liner or a sarcastic blurb, the team went forth and accomplished whatever task we were knee deep in. No idle threats came from my co-workers. We all seemed to work as a well-adjusted and productive team. What were we ingesting on company time?

I was delighted (and concerned) when my sense of humor was viewed as a tool that brought people together in the workplace. From that day forward jokes were incorporated into the boss’ presentations and emails. And would I write the boss some one-liners? I begged off and explained that humor had to come from the core, the soul – what was funny to the boss’ ear? Besides me begging for my job?

What followed was a valiant attempt by my boss at reciting some tired, old jokes that were out of favor with the nuances of humor back in 1938. I cringed and slithered out of the corner office. The economy was strong back then. I could find another job.

A few weeks later our boss summoned all departments to the main conference room. I had forgotten about those threats to do stand-up at meetings. All of a sudden the silence was pierced by what appeared to be a joke coming from our boss’ lips. Not a good joke, not a horrible joke, but a small joke with a tiny punch line.

People looked around and for a few seconds there was laughter in the air. Not a lot of laughter, not too little laughter, but just enough nervous laughter for all of us to look at our boss in a new light. Some of us dared to like the boss for trying. The rest of us speculated that the boss had suffered a mini stroke.

But for that short time in history, we all appreciated the universal language of laughter. One little joke turned out to be a great equalizer. By 11 A.M. the boss went right back to biting off the heads of baby chicks, but we felt like a well-adjusted and productive team that morning.

Now, you don’t have to go as far as having open mic night in your workplace. But a little levity at work can work wonders. Humor lowers blood pressure, lessens stress and who can feel lonely when people come together and share a laugh? Just don’t let my former boss know when you are doing it. It could get ugly.

My storytelling father always seemed to be able to hold our collective breaths with his tales of ghosts and the undead. You knew how effective his scary stories were by the number of under the bed inspections that were held in our house. I’m sure my mother appreciated it since my father worked at nights at the New York Times. My father’s imagination and storytelling were legend and so were our nightmares. Just don’t ask me to go down to your basement.

I was listening to “The Second Half of Life” in my car last week. The author, Angeles Arrien, PH.D, talked about how Storytelling can trigger memories, associations and one’s imagination

She went on to recount a true story by Dr. Charles Garfield who has written about high performance people

It unfolded something like this:

Back in 1984, Dr. Garfield encountered a toll booth employee on the Oakland/San Francisco Bridge who was dancing to loud music that was blasting from his toll booth. The doctor asked what was going on. The dancing man in the booth said that he was having a party. What about the other people working in the other booths? Oh, they were not invited to his party. Loud horns blasted from impatient drivers (don’t you just love them) and ended the conversation abruptly but the doctor made a note to find the dancing man again.

And he did.

The dance party was still going on. The Dancing man remembered the doctor and asked him what the other 16 booths looked like to him. The doctor had no clue. “No imagination, no imagination” was the reply that came from the toll booth. “Look again, look again.”

The doctor was stumped, gave up and asked for an answer from the dancing man.

“Vertical Coffins. These 16 people come to work everyday at 8:30 and die in their booths and then at 4:30 they come back to life just in time to go home. They look like Vertical Coffins.”

“What makes it different for you?” The doctor needed to know why this one man was so happy.

“I have a corner office with glass on all sides. I can see the Golden Gate Bridge, Berkley Heights, and San Francisco and while thousands of people travel everyday to visit, I get to live it. I get to dance. I get to do what I love.”

So many of us don’t get to live the lives we are entitled to. We go by someone else’s rules and expectations and we forget that we even had dreams that were so full of hope and adventure. We find ourselves getting by on “no imagination, no imagination” and we struggle in our own vertical coffins.

How would it feel to dismantle one or two of those vertical coffins that keep you from what you really want to do? It could be as simple as saying “No” to some of the requests that others pour on you (and not feeling guilty!) so that you can have 30 minutes to read, take a walk or just sit and listen to your own heart beat. It can be as grand as reexamining where your life is going: does the job do it for me, would going back to school open me up again or would Jimmy Choo’s heels really make me feel better? The latter was what Gwyneth Paltrow asked me….in a dream. I assured her that they would.

So it might be a little stretch but how about taking a look at one of your vertical coffins and screaming “boo” at it and making it go back under your brother’s bed?

Your brother will get over it. Eventually.

I don’t think it is just me but are most of the candidates acting like naughty children who need to be sent to the principal’s office for annoying most of the country?

Does the Dummies for President Rule Book include chapters on the fine art of being a playground bully who glares at their opponent with nostrils flaring, to hiring your second cousin to dig up dirt about what some candidates did when they were young (and trust me ,there is nearly a whole generation (except for my sister) who did “stuff” back then and who now won’t run for office because they know that they will be hung out to dry) to spending millions of dollars so they can make up some real nasty stuff about the other guy or Hillary? I mention Hillary by name because she is the only girl running. And I’m a girl.

I watched some of the debates on the days when I wanted to feel like all hope for this country was lost. I have to say if I acted like some of the candidates do, my TV privileges would have been taken away for a week.

And to paraphrase The Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. shouldn’t we judge the candidates on the content of the character and not the color of their skin or their gender or who has got the biggest moneybags?

And if all these candidates are as dreadful, corrupt and big fat hairy liars as the other candidates swear they are, shouldn’t they be in jail and not running for the White House?

I have been thinking hard about the November election and I am excited about the possibility of this country going in a new direction, but if the candidates don’t start acting like politicians that young kids will strive to emulate when they grow up, or as honest statespeople that we adults can admire, respect and vote for then I just might not vote twice in November.

“I will believe in you every day of my life.”

As told to ET by Elliot.

About a week ago I woke up in the middle of the night and heard someone say, “Why don’t you write about me?” I was pretty sure I recognized that voice.

The next morning I picked up a book, opened it and read, “I will believe in you every day of my life.” Okay, so this person is not so subtle!

David is my Elliot. We met 25 years ago. We were both 12 (we were mature for our age) and were employed in the Direct Mail/Advertising department at Bloomingdale’s in Manhattan.

We had that comfort level that comes from knowing someone in another place and time. Don’t know the place or time but we have all met people where there is such a connection right away. If not, please get out more. They are out there. They would like to meet you. Again.

“I will believe in you every day of my life” friends are such an extraordinary gift.

When you feel like a stuffed pig in that little black dress that you didn’t buy on sale, they will tell you that your legs go on for days (they won’t mention that your rent is overdue).

When you break up with a bad boyfriend (and I don’t mean the “good” bad) they are there to soothe your broken heart (or was it the ego?).

When you continue to break up with the before mentioned bad boyfriends they exhibit courage by slipping the business card of a very good therapist in your hand.

When you are blind to your extraordinary and dazzling attributes they are there to tell you that you were always clever, compelling, amusing and a good dancer.

When they stay on the phone with you for three hours they will say it’s because your melodic voice totally engages them. They will never mention that they ran out of sleeping pills and that the drugstore is closed.

When they make you stretch beyond your comfort level and you start to feel the glimmer of your new life emerging, they are there to welcome you home.

There should be a national holiday for “I will believe in you everyday of my life” friends.

Now in fairness to me, I’m a “I will believe in you every day of my life” friend to David. I always felt he did more to enrich my life, but if I think of all the adventures we went thru together (and survived), I know I kept up with him just fine.

We were struggling writers who had a gem of an idea for a TV show about 2 friends(how original): he the handsome, intelligent entrepreneur who saves world from ugly visible panty lines and she the clumsy, sarcastic (and outrageously breathtaking looking) woman who bought all the nations of the world to the peace table and just left them there.

Sadly we never got the chance to write our show. David passed away on Thanksgiving in 1997 from AIDS. It still takes my breath away. I lost my safety net. My darling friend.

Call a friend today and tell them why you believe in them. Then show them that you do. Make another call but don’t stay on the phone all the time. Let someone else have the chance to call you and tell you that they will believe in you every day of their lives.

Elliot found that friendship in ET as I found that unwavering friendship in David. But how unfair it is that David’s the cute, wide-eyed boy while I ended up butt naked with a big fat bald head.

And David, if you are listening, “Call home.” Again.

Visiting David in AZ.