Step Two: We are still working on you. Becoming first does not happen overnight, but practice becomes reality with a little more work.  We are coming to the part of the dreaded homework assignment. I am out of school, you are thinking, and my diploma is hanging on the wall. We are never too old to learn something new. Your family and coworkers will admire and respect you even more. If that is possible.

Get a pen (pencils are still for sissies) and a journal, or a bunch of index cards or use the backside of your grocery bill and…write every day.  Find five minutes and write positive affirmations. Index cards are great because you can put them everywhere. Grocery bill receipts may not be pretty, but put your affirmations on the fridge or any place else where you know you will be visiting more than once a day. And read them. And say them out loud with conviction. No positive thought is too small or too big. Open up that journal and repeat after me, “I deserve all the best that life has to offer. I know by loving myself first that I can love my family and friends and dare I say it, myself, more everyday.” Nice plug for me, eh?

My affirmation this week is “I am prefect today. And tomorrow is looking even better.”  And I raise my voice with one brown and one black shoe on. Note to self:  Turn on a light in the morning, would ya?

FreeDigitalPhotos.net

        

1) CELEBRATE. First of all, celebrate all you have accomplished in your life. Plan a party for 100 of your closest friends or just for yourself. Set a nice table, light some scented candles, put on some rock n’ roll music…

2) DARE. Try something you have never done before. Here’s a few examples: go kayaking with some friends; become fluent in Italian; visit a spa for a day and leave with red hair; help build homes or buy some Jimmy Choos shoes. Just don’t do them all at once. Your family and friends just might freak out a bit. If they do, invite them to come along!

3) INTUIT . Have you met your friend who goes by the name of Intuition? Intuition, inner voices, gut feelings can reveal clues about what you should do next. Try this: A) Find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. B) Close your eyes (oh yes, sit down first) and take in a couple of breaths and feel yourself start to slow down. C) Ask your intuition a question – it can be about where to move, what direction to take in your new life or do I really want this new relationship? D) Sit quietly and wait for your intuition to speak to you. E) Did you get a calm, happy feeling? Did dread or feelings of foreboding fill every cell in your body? Did you hear a word over and over? Did you just get that “knowing ” feeling that you have found your answer? Did it act like no one’s at home? Developing one’s intuition is the answer to that corny but telling question: How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice and practice! But what a great friend to have around and it will always tell you the truth!

4) EXPLORE. So you have decided that the time has come to take your life by the lapels and do….? You always thought you would like to give tours thru the ancient ruins in Egypt, or take to the stage in Edwardian finery or maybe own a cozy book store with the aroma of just brewed coffee filling the soul along with the words of Toni Morrison? Before you pack your bags, do take a trip to Vocation Vacations’ website. This organization will let you test drive your dreams and you may find yourself doing a little tire kicking as you discover a new and exciting way to live your life outrageously! www.vocationvacations.com.

5) MOVE. We got to love “Dancing with the Stars” don’t we? I personally don’t care for the outfits (I’m more the crisp white tee shirt, blue jeans, black jacket with scarf draped around the neck for days kinda of woman) but they make me want to dance and shake everything that won’t snap in two! Another way to tend to your body and its needs is to move everyday. It won’t work to just exercise your brain because you need to drag your body along on your great adventures. So make it your best body. How would it feel to exercise first thing in the morning? Guaranteed to get your metabolism up and running and whether you’re running, walking or watching the Today Show while conquering some hills and miles on your treadmill, you are taking excellent care of your body and soul. But it doesn’t really matter what time you exercise. Just remember that all of you counts, so dust off those weights and your toned muscles will thank me later. I guarantee the journey will be less taxing and you just might end up taking Zumba lessons. Just leave the sequins at home!

6) READ. So, on the days when it’s raining or the humidity is so high that your hair is picking up CNN….go and pick up something and read. I don’t know if I have an all time favorite female author but these authors have inspired me throughout the years: Jane Austen, Alice Munro, Anna Quindlen, Maya Angelou, Anne Lamott (I want to come back as her sense of humor), Fannie Flagg, Dorothy Parker, Julia Cameron and Lynn Robinson. (I just knew I was going to like her writing – she’s one of the nation’s leading experts on Intuition). Go and get lost in a book. You may have noticed that I left out some popular romance writers. I want you to be inspired and not out of breath when you have finished your books. Skip “Eat, Pray, Love” on an empty stomach. I gained 8 pounds during the “Eat” section. And it doesn’t have to be a book. When I read “More Magazine,” I feel sexier, more secure in my choices and joyful to be in the middle of my middlesence madness. It makes me want to vacuum in high heels. Well, maybe not, why not a magazine that salutes us fabulous women in our fifties?

7) BE BOLD. Fall in love with you and your new life and don’t let anyone tell you that you and your dreams are frivolous. When someone asks why at this time of your life you are reinventing your life, just smile and say, “If I don’t become the person I am meant to be then the world misses out on my greatness and my potential to make the world a better place will be lost forever. Thanks for asking and have a nice day.”

8. VOLUNTEER. Nothing makes you feel empowered like helping someone else feel that way, too.

9) RELAX. Escapism is marvelous, but escapism that motivates us is unbeatable. One of the best escape routes to take can be driving to your local video store or walking over to the TV remote. We don’t always see positive role models of women in the news. They may be infamous (like the call girl and the NY governor, for example) but they are not inspiring and it is a tad insulting. When going through transitions, we need some downtime and a bag of kettle corn popcorn. And some funny, fearless and fabulous women to make us smile and say to ourselves, “I am ready.” Here are just a few that might make you feel that anything is possible in your life: “All About Eve,” “When Harry Met Sally,” “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” (try to ignore the fake-Asian Mickey Rooney parts) “Chocolat (zero calories),” “Dirty Dancing,” “Hannah and Her Sisters,” “Moonstruck,” “The Way We Were” (because of Robert Redford, but Barbra was pretty terrific in that movie), and “Field of Dreams.” And not a car chase in any of them!

10) MEDITATE. You have stayed focused and you are transitioning to your new life. Now is the perfect time to focus on your breath. How about adding meditation to your daily routine? Here are just a few of the benefits that come from a few minutes of meditation a day: Clarity in problem solving; reduction of stress and anxiety; a renewed sense of well being; more restful sleep; slowing down of aging; helps keep the body and mind alert and can even help with the resolution of mental and emotional blocks in our lives. Not too bad, eh? I travel to http://www.learningmeditation.com/room.htm when I need some breathing space to collect my thoughts and slow myself and my pace down. You can take a guided meditation with soothing music in the background or you can print the words out and meditate on them at your leisure. This is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and you just start by taking a deep breath.

BRANCH OUT. I started Branching Out Life Coaching with the belief that midlife is just the beginning of some of the best years in our lives. I offer complimentary coaching consultations for motivated women who are on the verge of discovering their own greatness. Shift your perspective and change your life. Call 516.629.6838 or email me at BranchOutLife@optonline.net. Embracing your new life just got a little easier.

        

In grammar school, I kept my classmates entertained with some pretty inane stories while my parents were in constant contact with the principal. I had yet to learn when delivering a punch line was acceptable: All the time was not appropriate.

Years later when I moved out of my parent’s house, I took my coolest clothes, my college degree and my honed sense of humor. Those clothes no longer hang in my closet (thank God); my degree got me in the door of NYC advertising agencies, and my sense of humor kept me employed and out of trouble…sort of.

One day, I think it was a Tuesday, I was cornered by the big boss who commented that when my emails ended with a spiffy one-liner or a sarcastic blurb, the team went forth and accomplished whatever task we were knee deep in. No idle threats came from my co-workers. We all seemed to work as a well-adjusted and productive team. What were we ingesting on company time?

I was delighted (and concerned) when my sense of humor was viewed as a tool that brought people together in the workplace. From that day forward jokes were incorporated into the boss’ presentations and emails. And would I write the boss some one-liners? I begged off and explained that humor had to come from the core, the soul – what was funny to the boss’ ear? Besides me begging for my job?

What followed was a valiant attempt by my boss at reciting some tired, old jokes that were out of favor with the nuances of humor back in 1938. I cringed and slithered out of the corner office. The economy was strong back then. I could find another job.

A few weeks later our boss summoned all departments to the main conference room. I had forgotten about those threats to do stand-up at meetings. All of a sudden the silence was pierced by what appeared to be a joke coming from our boss’ lips. Not a good joke, not a horrible joke, but a small joke with a tiny punch line.

People looked around and for a few seconds there was laughter in the air. Not a lot of laughter, not too little laughter, but just enough nervous laughter for all of us to look at our boss in a new light. Some of us dared to like the boss for trying. The rest of us speculated that the boss had suffered a mini stroke.

But for that short time in history, we all appreciated the universal language of laughter. One little joke turned out to be a great equalizer. By 11 A.M. the boss went right back to biting off the heads of baby chicks, but we felt like a well-adjusted and productive team that morning.

Now, you don’t have to go as far as having open mic night in your workplace. But a little levity at work can work wonders. Humor lowers blood pressure, lessens stress and who can feel lonely when people come together and share a laugh? Just don’t let my former boss know when you are doing it. It could get ugly.

        

So, if my extra 10 lbs. were not enough of a reason for me to go off the deep end then how about all the financial news of gloom and doom?  I don’t know if you get a lot of emails on the subject, but I have been inundated with them. I broke a nail doing speed deleting, but they keep coming. Makes you wonder if they all have stock in Prozac. Only our dog has a prescription for Prozac in our household. So far.

As I am deciding whether to spend the extra money on aluminum sliding for my refrigerator box, I am looking around and realizing that there is always good news. We just need to go looking for it. Most of the time, you don’t have to look too far. If you do, let me know. You’re probably not looking at the right place. Put the newspapers down and turn off the TV. That would be an excellent start.

I decided to make a list as quickly as I could about some of the good news that has made its way into my life recently.  I think if you take the time, you might discover that we are always given good news to take the edge off the bad news that does show up in our lives. It’s like good lighting in a dressing room. It is out there. Not when I am shopping, but it is out there.

So here is a partial list of my good news:

Chicken soup that I made from scratch (and I don’t cook – trust me),

Doris (my cat with kidney disease) is a fighter and doesn’t know she is sick,

Our vet tech, Rachel, who helps Doris in the fight,

I lost 2 lbs.,

Halloween is coming (will be gaining those 2 and more back),

Old friends who won’t tell secrets (unless richly compensated for that info),

A weekend up in Rhinebeck where I met my intuitive sage – Lynn Robinson,

Gabrielle and Steve’s new baby boy – Nathan Riley,

The elections are coming,

The day after the elections is coming,

Miz Ruby, my lab who is on Prozac (It’s the elections that is making her stressed),

Walter, who I know wonders how he married a liberal with a mouth,

My book proposal,

Jen’s help with keeping me on track with it,

National blogger for Skirt! (see comment about Walter),

A home with heat and windows that don’t leak,

An upcoming women’s retreat,

My “daughter” Joey is engaged (my apologizes to the male population),

Some of my charming and funny guy friends – Lou, Derek, Johnny H and Mr. Norris,

and tomorrow.

And one more thing – Duncan’s failed attempt to knock the spider plant off the shelf and onto my head. Good thing that black cat has nine lives. And that just goes to show that the sky is not falling. It nearly knocked me out, but…

So how about trying your own list of good news? We can have a contest for the best list. I’ll even feature your good news in an upcoming newsletter. It could be a great way to end the year with a list of good news from you all. But, it’s not even Halloween yet, so I am not rushing the end of the year. Just your good news lists.

If You Were Brave

Great lyrics by Jana Stanfield, who calls herself, “The Queen of Heavy Mental.”

What would I do if I knew I could not fail?

If I believed, would the wind always fill up my sail?

How far would I go, what could I achieve

Trusting the hero in me.

She ends the song with:

“If I refuse to listen to the voice of fear

What would the voice of courage whisper in my ear?”

Stress Reducing  “Calming“Foods

I wouldn’t suggest that you eat all these foods in one sitting (unless you are really stressed out) but here is a list of foods that just might lower your stress levels. They come from Olessa Pindak from Natural Health Magazine:

Spinach, turkey, whole grains, yogurt and cheese, citrus fruits, herbs (instead of salt), berries, Nori (seaweed wrapped around sushi – I’m thinking throw some in an omelet and leave the house). And if these don’t work, try chocolate. J

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Are you feeling a little unsure of your future? Do you believe all the negative press and you’re thinking like you are out there by yourself?

I understand that feeling because a few years ago I was there. I found working with a coach while I was in school really helped me to get clear about my new direction in life. And being a mere mortal, I do have days when the future does feel shaky, but I have discovered ways to keep me going and I believe they can work for you also.

I would like to offer my email subscribers a terrific opportunity to work one on one with me. Because times are tough for a lot of people, I am adjusting my rates so that anyone who wants to feel inspired again, to get pass their roadblocks and move forward with their lives can do just that by experiencing what life coaching has to offer.

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Together we can develop creative solutions for today.

        

I am not a regular visitor to block parties and all that goes on, but it is really geared toward the kids. They made smores along with their own ice cream sundaes, mummified willing victims with toilet paper and went on a scavenger hunt. With the help of my sister, Christine, the Cassidy team had chop sticks made out of twigs and a drawing of a fake nose as opposed to one of Michael Jackson’s.  So much cheating for only a second place spot.  We demanded a recount.

At the end of the block was this huge inflatable obstacle course. It looked like a huge plastic castle and kids would work their way through it and then run right back on line. I saw all the fun these kids were having in comparison to me sitting around. I was having one of those, “if this is how we adults are supposed to behave – keep it” moments and decided that I needed to change. I decided I was not going to sit on the sidelines and just watch. I was going to risk limb, life and reputation (so overrated) and go for it.   But not in a skirt.

Armed in a pair of shorts and my uncanny ability to forget my age, I got on line. I got a couple of looks. From the kids on line. I made faces right back at them. Mature immaturity is a beautiful thing if it is used for the good of all.

It was a blast. In that crowded space were 2 of my nephews, Joshua and Dylan, who helped me when I fell (a lot), my sister who was keeping up with me or was it the other way around and my 2 year old niece, Celeste, who was on her 2^nd trip through this obstacle course. It was great to be legless and laughing like a goofy (albeit cool) kid. I just didn’t care.  I challenged myself to have a good old time and I did. I made it up the plastic rock wall on one trip (so there!) and was a bit disappointed when I saw I was at the end and had to go down the slide. Behind me came an assortment of family members and sweet Celeste who may not remember this time when her mother and I kept up with her, but I am sure that we will have time in between physical therapy sessions to remind her that we are not slowing down and missing out on the fun. Refusing to tap into our “child self” or thinking that we must act dignified at all times is so old.

Be a kid.

BTW, I did 2 miles on the treadmill the following morning. On an incline. Without screaming too much.

        

Maybe it comes from years of personal experience, but I try to be so careful about what I say about myself – either to myself or to the general public. I leave all the sarcastic slings to a few close friends. They need and want the practice.

Most people don’t say the words, “I’m just” and follow it with…fabulous, so excited about my job (or future), so mindful of my own goodness, a healthy person with so much energy or phrases like, “I am just so grateful to be able to get up each day and explore new options.”

No, nowadays it just seems to come in the form of “I’m just not getting anyplace with this job,” “I’m just never going to move ahead with my life,” and my personal least favorite one, “I’m just not good enough to matter.”

What I find unbelievable is hearing negative, self defeating putdowns coming from intelligent, clever and creative people. People who have so much potential – just ask them when they are not beating up on themselves and are focused on their goals. But the CD they play in their minds come from years of self doubt along with the biting and hurtful words from some lovely individuals (who are probably dealing with a basketful of self sabotaging DVDs themselves) who helped reinforce all that personality pollution that whirls around a perfectly fine brain.

We can change the way we view ourselves by changing the channel in our head. It won’t happen overnight, but become aware of your self defeating slogans. Make 2009 the year of the Positive Affirmations. Make your platform one that is filled with uplifting and optimistic statements.

Stop yourself when the words, “I’m just” start to form on your lips. Rethink and rework that statement before uttering it.

Try to look at it this way – when we were kids, we couldn’t say certain words or else we would suffer some nasty consequences. Start to think of “I’m just” as a phrase that could cause your dear great grandmother Tillie to faint dead away. Or even better, utter those words and have a “time out corner” dedicated in your name. Let “I’m just” start to taste like Irish Spring on your tongue. I can still taste it, but that’s a whole different newsletter. Mmmmm…good.

One way to strike it rich before “I’m just” leaves your repertoire is to keep a jar handy and every time you say that dastardly expression, throw in a dollar. You just might jet off to Europe for a month’s vacation, all expenses paid, or you just might end up with moths flying around the jar.

As philosopher Earl Nightingale states, “You become what you think about!”